When you hear the word conflict, what comes to mind?
Most people see it as something negative, something to be avoided at all costs. But conflict isn’t always bad—it can lead to progress, stronger relationships, and better decisions. It’s all about how we manage it.
For farm families, succession planning is one of the most high-stakes discussions they will ever have. Emotions run deep, and differing visions for the future can create tension. Understanding how you and your family respond to conflict can be the key to navigating this process successfully.
The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument identifies five primary ways people respond to conflict:
Understanding these five conflict styles can help families approach difficult discussions about farm succession with greater awareness and purpose.
Collaboration is about working together to find a solution that meets the basic needs and wants of everyone involved. While it takes time, energy, and creativity, it’s often the best approach for farm families when dealing with big, long-term decisions like succession planning.
Example: A retiring farmer and their successor work together to define a transition plan that supports both generations financially while ensuring the farm remains viable.
When to use it: When relationships, people, and long-term success all matter.
Accommodation happens when one party lets go of their needs to allow someone else to get what they want. While sometimes necessary, overuse can lead to resentment and frustration.
Example: A father allows his daughter to modernize the farm’s infrastructure, even though he would have preferred to maintain traditional methods. He recognizes that the farm’s future is more important than his personal preferences.
When to use it: When the issue is not critical, but the relationship is highly valued.
Some people dig in their heels and refuse to budge. When farm succession becomes a competition, relationships suffer, and families risk permanent fractures.
Example: A son who was promised ownership of the farm is suddenly told by his parents that nothing is changing, despite years of hard work. Instead of negotiating, he threatens legal action.
When to use it: Only when standing firm is necessary for survival (e.g., legal rights, financial security), but it should be approached cautiously.
Avoidance may seem like the easy way out, but when important farm decisions are left unresolved, problems only get worse.
Example: A farming couple refuses to discuss succession planning because they don’t want to create tension among their children. Years pass, and when an emergency forces a transition, there’s no clear plan, leading to conflict and financial strain.
When to use it: When the issue is trivial or temporary, but not for major succession decisions.
Compromise allows both sides to get part of what they want, but neither gets everything. While it can be useful, critical decisions should not be compromised to the point of harming the farm’s future.
Example: A mother and son negotiate a transition where the farm is transferred in stages, allowing her financial security while giving him the ability to modernize operations.
When to use it: When the issue is moderate in importance and a quick resolution is needed.
Conflict in farming families is as inevitable as the changing seasons. But it doesn’t have to destroy relationships or threaten the future of the farm.
✅ Recognizing your own conflict style helps you understand why certain issues keep repeating themselves.
✅ Knowing when to collaborate, accommodate, or compromise helps resolve succession conflicts in a way that benefits everyone.
✅ Avoiding or competing unnecessarily can harm family relationships and put the farm’s future at risk.
The best farm succession plans happen when families approach discussions with self-awareness, open communication, and a willingness to work together.
"A farm isn’t just a business—it’s a family legacy. The key to a successful transition is learning to navigate difficult conversations with care and purpose."